I am sitting here writing to you after a full day of amazing dirty love making with my beloved and a morning of pleasurable and healing masturbation. That’s a big mouthful to swallow (pun intended) - but take it in - observe and feel your reaction to that sentence.

Maybe you’re feeling intrigued, shocked, and perhaps even a little turned on. Or, you could be feeling shy or maybe appalled from TMI, yet you’re still reading because you are curious to know more about that taboo word: SLUT.

If you’re here - You’re a slut and you know it.

AND - that is a beautiful, sexy and powerful thing. I want you to know that part hidden in the back of who you are is the sacred slut. She wants to help you heal and become full of bliss and wholeness. She deserves your love, your attention, and your respect.

**DISCLAIMER: It’s about to get personal, intimate and explicit - if you’re not ready, don’t read on.

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Let’s go back in time and give you some personal context to this passionate topic of mine. I was a very curious girl growing up, and whether most people are consciously aware and comfortable with this idea or not - children know, talk and explore sex and pleasure.

By age 9 or so, I had become aware of pornography. Seeing very exaggerated expositions of sex - no love, just dirty, hard and expressive sex. I also had conversations and innocent experiments with my girlfriends at school about that part between our legs that felt good when we touched it. I was also given a small vibrating egg-shaped toy by another girlfriend. I later discovered that it felt good when I left it on my clit and would just sit and watch tv with it there, enjoying the sensation.

Soon, I would begin to understand that this curiosity, interest and exploration was much more than frowned upon. At school, we started to understand that we needed to be discreet about these types of conversations from a collective understanding that these were private matters. At home, I remember my sister telling me it was gross/bad when she could see the vibrating toy between my legs as I watched tv. So, I did it hidden in my room. Then, I went to CCD (aka - religious education) and I learned about immorality and was indoctrinated with the general tone that, sex & pleasure = bad, sin & shame.

Well, this proved to be very difficult for the inner slut. The fact that our society loves sex and pleasure but has been suppressing it for so long that it only appears in the underground gutters of our social persona, manifesting in dark deeds behind closed doors. It was getting dirty and people were afraid of what they desired, it was “bad” yet we loved it. Shame, shame, shame… what a shame.

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That’s me! Baby J around 12 years old.

So as the years passed in a nutshell: I became sexually active young - the first finger bang at 12. Then many of my high school years were unfortunate events of being taken advantaged of in innocence, naivety and not knowing how to say no - then repeating this cycle upon myself. I was an outstanding student in the daylight - student council, athlete, theatre kid, good student, etc. But at night - the unconscious slut came out in conscious and poorly informed actions. I also had a vibrator under my pillow for when the sexual desires were so strong and I couldn’t think of anything else, I could play with myself before sleeping and when I woke up. I was very ashamed of this part of myself and guilty - because deep down I enjoyed this amazing and relieving pleasure.

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Not the first one, and definitely not the last. The gift I got from my secret Santa - at work.

Then one day I got mad and channeled this energy into my slut. In my early 20s, I became a man-eater. Dating, manipulating, controlling and sleeping with many men and embracing the fact that I actually love sex. And, I was very good at it. I was even proud to be this promiscuous woman - I didn’t mind being known for this prowess. I openly talked about my sex-capades, I even got a dildo from a secret Santa at work. But soon, it became a game. I was missing what I was truly yearning for: love making with someone I love. Sex had become an empty instant gratification of pleasure.

I pretty much ended up closing the door on my sex life, having sex but without very much passion and with limited pleasure - solely interested in the heart connection I was so craving. But the slut could not be hidden. Once, in a past relationship I was told during sex that I was, “too sexy.” So, again, I felt like putting a pad lock on the slut. After all, aren’t we told that good girls are the one guys want to commit to?

Fast forward to my current tantric relationship with my beloved Julian, who had a key to that pad lock and wanted to invite the slut into our relationship. I wanted to share her with him, hesitant at first, but each time it became easier. The more I wanted her there, the more he wanted her there. He wanted her at dinner, he wanted to cuddle her, he wanted her when the family was over, he wanted her to walk the streets with him, he wanted to transcend with her. Julian respects my slut, he accepts her and he loves her - she is sacred. It taught me to love and honour that dirty, insatiable and passionate lover who wants to please.

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All those years and times you’ve slammed the door on her face, because you were afraid, turned her into this monster of the night that only comes out in spontaneous moments of sex where you lose control. But she is actually sacred and so loving because she empowers all the parts of yourself you are ashamed, guilty, shy and afraid about feeling and being. She shows you that it is not bad, that it is actually so beautiful if you’d just allow it to come into the light. She is always there and will not go away, because she loves you. She wants you to have immense love, joy, pleasure and (w)holy-ness in your life.

Change your perception, free yourself and embrace your inner slut.

It will take some time, as this has been years in the making and it’s a collective evolution us women are undertaking. It’s been a year and my slut has been having the time of her life as I do my best to welcome her to be present with me in all that I do. Yet even still, the more I open this door and explore with my beloved, there is still so much expansion to experience that was tightened and closed. I can literally feel as I allow Julian to enter deeper into me, suppressed emotions releasing from the depths of my pussy. Sometimes I blissfully laugh in hysteria as I gush and squirt everywhere. Sometimes I get really dirty and confess my deepest and darkest sexual desires into spiritually awakening pleasure. And sometimes I sob deeply, as I free my hurt and pain.

It’s a beautiful tantric journey that brings me so much pain and pleasure, that I wish for you - for every woman and man to experience. Because making love is healing. Making deep, passionate, slutty, dirty, unconditional love is what the world needs.

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