I entered the shadows the best way I know how through the invocation of water. I drew myself a hot bath, it was time to go deep, I could feel the waning and waxing of my yin and yang. I have lived as my shadow self for years, hiding behind the light, a magicians wand.
I do my breath work as I enter the purifying water, I think of all that hold me back, keep breathing. I submerge my body and feel the weight come off my shoulders. I know these do not truly hold me back, so what do I fear?
I go through them in my head, keep breathing, I can feel the warm liquid womb tell me it’s okay to feel, it’s okay to think, it’s okay to be; it doesn’t mean you are - always. The music reverberates everywhere shaking things loose, widening the grip of angst on me.
I am a Pisces, I need to evolve, I need to change, I need to live free, I need to live a purposeful life. When I feel unable to swim as I choose to, I swim in circles, festering on my own demise. This is okay. I now really do live as my light and when I am my shadow, it is my light hiding behind it, urging it to be seen, to be nurtured and loved, lifting it up to the surface for me to see, for me to lovingly integrate, for me to bathe.
Keep breathing, my shadow reflects in the water. Like the light of the moon, it swirls, it finds its purpose, I am in a pool of yin and yang. And I emerge with more acceptance and patience, just keep breathing and trust your journey.