We all have fears, some are life long, some are momentary, some are real and some are not.
Fear does not only look like a scream, a tremble, retaliation or a cry. Fear is also within doubt, anger, hesitancy, indifference, confusion, lack of self confidence and other low-vibrational feelings acting as the front line of protection. And, if what you feel is not stemming from a place of love, there is probably a rooted fear that manifested itself into a defense mechanism (i.e. the doubt, anger, indifference, etc.).
It is important to note that “I feel afraid,” is very different from “I am afraid.” Using “I feel happy,” and “I am happy” – it is easier to notice the difference. The former is a feeling in the present that is flexible to change, while the latter is a static state that is more difficult to change. By observing the difference of feeling and being fear, we can learn the necessity of feeling afraid. Feeling fear can be helpful, it gives us a moment to reconsider our situation and whether it is worthwhile for us to face and over come with courage; while being fear is what keeps you from seeing the value in the situation and worth of perseverance.
For many of us our safety and security needs are met and a lot of our fears in this case are very rarely external and physical (i.e. war, famine, etc.), they are more often than not a psychologically developed fear (i.e. being alone, body-image, beliefs of success and happiness, etc.) rather than a real survival threat. It is not to say that they are not real, they very much are so, but they are not outside of us, they are created by us and within us.
Our mind and its intentions, thoughts and beliefs are directly connected to our emotional, physical and spiritual health (and vice versa). When you think of something you fear it is reflected in emotional distress and impulsive behaviour, or physical symptoms of sweat and increased heart rates; it is all connected. If we truly want to live our lives to the fullest, with complete joy, balance and abundance – we have to begin to address our fears one at a time…
Fear is a Pattern:
I know fear very well, I am aware of the shades it has revealed within myself. From spiders, financial security, heights, environmental and societal destruction, abandonment, to fulfilling my dreams and life purpose – I know what I fear because I recognized my pattern of fear and have had to examine it. For example, the latest fear I felt was moving into my new apartment and implementing my new plans for Koi Chi Healing. I had made the goal that once I am there and unpacked, I would pour more of my energy in to nurturing and growing Koi Chi Healing. I decided to defend this fear with determination; I buried my head down and started preparing my to-do list for when we were settled. I had thought of so many beautiful creative ideas and I was just waiting to settle in my new space to begin. But a couple days before the first day of moving, the first signs of fear began to creep in.
For me, it begins with self-doubt. I notice I begin to think of obstacles more than solutions, “Is there enough space? Are you going to be able to get people to come? Can you even do this, will it even work? How will you have time? Other things are more important!” I had to make a choice, and instinctively how I used to deal with fear was to ignore it, not because I believed it was irrational but because I was too afraid to even let those ideas rise to the surface to be understood and released. It made perfect sense to push those ideas back as that is how you can “stop thinking like that.” However, I have made this mistake many times and now I am aware now of the consequences of ignoring fear.
Turning a Blind Eye:
When you ignore fear by turning a blind eye you have eliminated clarity, and in turn you may make choices and actions that do not positively contribute to your life and reflect your joy. You have chosen to not look a certain direction in fear of what the possibilities are – fearing that the possibility may only be negative, you rationalize it is better to never walk down that path. Now, this may be true regarding real life-threatening events, but when it comes to the fears we create within ourselves I promise you it is better to face them or you will never rid yourself of that shadow. It is important to note, however, that for success it is imperative that the choice to face them is made by you and that you have support in this process. It is not an easy journey but a necessary one in order to meet our full potential and happiness.
By choosing to ignore it, the fear can manifest various consequences. For some, they may never even take the first steps to what they desire because of fear. For others the fear spreads to other aspects of life: they may become cynical about the world, hopeless about themselves, anxiety ridden in every action or thought – unknown to how these fears began in the first place or that they exist in general, because they ignored them long ago or so many times – they just believe that is how they are. Applying this to my situation: I would be able to still move forward with my idea, “blissfully ignorant” to my fear, but I know that I would continue to have hesitancy, doubt, confusion regarding each step I took, creeping in from the shadows. Similar to the feeling of knowing someone is watching you – because ultimately I was inherently fearful of all of it. And so, I had to do something about it.
Speak Your Truth:
Accepting, acknowledging and reflecting upon your fear is the first step to overcoming and healing it. It is also the most frightening part. The evening before moving I felt the pull between ignoring and addressing my fear, but there was also fear in this awareness as well! Recognizing that I am perpetuating my fear, I summed up the courage to share it (with someone I trusted), and as I began to speak I realized exactly what I was afraid of – like stage fright, it was time to “deliver” my creation, Koi Chi Healing, and I could not just use determination to get by. I had to really understand my desire, motive and purpose in this goal. I needed clarity on all aspects so that there was not one shadow that was not cast out by this clear light.
After I released the fear out verbally I felt a weight off my chest and mind; but the feeling of fear was still there, however, it was not nearly as magnified as it had become in the couple days prior. Still feeling afraid after is normal and okay, it is important to truly understand this is only the first step to overcoming and healing fear. Acknowledgement, acceptance and reflection provide you confidence and awareness in achieving what you desire, as they provide a foundation of truth. Truth of what you are really afraid of, and in this way you indefinitely know what to overcome, change or let go. Speaking my truth, even if my voice shook was what needed to occur for me to move into this next stage of my life, to continue down my path of service, and to provide you this piece of writing to aid you on your own way.
No matter what it is that you fear, ask yourself if it is stronger and bigger than your desires; your desires and dreams that can’t be accomplished without overcoming this fear. Put the value, worth and power back into your dreams and desires, accept your feelings of fear and dance with your demons. Speak your truth. You do not have to face this fear alone, there is support all around, and if you need to be heard, guided and advised - I am here, for you.