A very common process of evolution is when you have out grown the pond you once dwelled in. What does this mean? Well, the environment and all that resides in it is no longer sustaining or helping you grow and evolve into the person you want to be. Simply put, you may notice as you widen your awareness and perspectives there are situations and people in your life that you may not want to maintain your friendship with.
Awkward, I know. This is a conversation no one really enjoys having. I often speak to many people in my sessions and in life that as they learn more about oneness, compassion, consciousness and letting go of what no longer serves them - they find it most difficult when they begin to feel like they do not relate to their friends anymore.
I too have felt this way with friendships when I first began my Shamballa Reiki journey, or rather a journey into becoming my authentic self. I wasn’t sure my friendships would be the same and I thought that they wouldn’t relate to me anymore because our lifestyles and beliefs were so different. But through that cycle in my life I came to learn that I just had to continue being my authentic self with love, compassion and honesty and that these relationships would align itself. Some faded away without disruption - like a buoy quietly drifting further away. Some, we tried to connect but nothing ever aligned with ease. Some, required a very honest discussion about our friendship - some continued, some ended. There are so many ways to approach this sensitive situation, but there are a few aspects of this cycle of life that I have come to understand as I have seen and lived through them myself. Whatever perspective you’re experiencing while you’re outgrowing your pond, here are some genuine considerations:
Good Vibes Only
One of the greatest journeys in life is to become more of who you are. So much of our lives we were lead to believe that we should be more concerned with what others thought of us than simply living as who we are. So when we begin this journey we are in a bliss of freedom unknown to us before, this brings us such great joy we often decide, “I’m not going to let anything that disrupts my peace to influence my life” - or at the very least we’ll always try. Or we may let our ego get in the way and sound like this at its extreme: “I have a higher consciousness and we’re not on the same level.” These can be very sticky mottos to live by as sometimes one can become fearful of any disruption or suddenly limit their compassion and love.
Being at peace is when one can be accepting of what disrupts as well. Many things in life that disrupts becomes a catalyst for great, evolutionary and perhaps necessary change. However, it is also imperative that one also realizes when a situation or person becomes restricting to your freedom, joy and peace. So that you may appropriately conclude certain situations and relationships. For all scenarios, you have to be honest and compassionate with yourself, others and the situation. When you do in the ego scenario, you may begin to realize that you could be more compassionate to the friend, that perhaps you are behaving from fear rather than love. Just because you no longer want to be in the pond doesn’t mean that it’s bad, that you don’t relate, that you have to make a decision to end the relationship, or that both you and your friend can’t move between ponds - no the contrary, perhaps your friend would like to widen their perspectives with you! If your intentions are loving, true and compassionate, you will see other perspectives to the situation and your friend. Thus be able to make the choice and walk the path with the most ease, kindness, acceptance, honesty and love. After all, we will continuously outgrow ponds throughout our lives, visit old ones, bring people along, and follow others; it is part of the beautiful and divine journey of living.
Just Do You
One of the more significant processes that often gets overlooked is the essence of your evolution - you are becoming more of who you are! When you’ve hit this check-point of wanting to let go of friendships and you are in a state of fear and (unhealthy) ego, one of many check-points you may wish to pass through, you’ve lost sight of the what journey is.
This journey is about self-discovery and manifesting it into your physical reality through your words, thoughts, actions, creations and feelings. It is not about our judgements of other’s ability to see life as we do or whether or not they contribute to our lives in the way we want them to. When we become so involved in this drama of “I get to decide the fate of our relationship” we lose sight of our journey into oneness, acceptance, love and compassion. For what you see is a mirror of yourself and who you are - revealing to you hidden archetypes of your ego that prevent you from acting on your authentic self. You were once in that pond, you should be able to relate to their struggle, or what their perception of the situation is, and you can relate to them - always. It is not the choice of what you’d like to do that is of greater significance, it is how you do it.
You may actually really need to conclude certain situations and relationships, this is also a reality and that’s okay. Whether you’d like to fade away quietly, have an intentional dialogue, meet new friends or give it another try - it’s how you do any of those that ensures that you are keeping to your authentic self. So if you want to move into a path of love, oneness, compassion and honesty (not bluntness!) then take the time to consider if you have been acting out of fear or ego and to love those archetypes of yourself that need it and allow the authentic you to make the choices of how. You will likely have more positive, mutually understood, loving, compassionate and respectful departures.
I Want to be Your Friend
One last consideration in the process of pond expansion, there is a very telling saying, “the pond is always warmer on the other side.” Sometimes, when we discover new knowledge we radically compare it to our old knowledge and put the newer ones into “better” categories.
We think that the lifestyle or relationships that exist in this new dimension is where our joy resides, that the life and relationships you had before are seen as less than. We want to replace our friends with people that are: cooler, smarter, more creative, more driven, more interesting, ‘better,’ more spiritual or more aware. What I learned in my personal experience is that when you approach this change with this perspective you tend to meet people that have those qualities but truly lack the qualities of friendship that we all want most - kindness, support, authenticity, honesty, reliability, acceptance and compassion. This is because you have entered into this action without a loving perspective, all people that walk into our lives - especially friends have a place where we can relate, and we can nurture and grow those aspects if we choose to. If you want to just replace them without considering and appreciating the relationship, contribution, love and bond that exists then the next friendships you co-create will be based on these principles of under appreciation.
Friends Come & Go
Don’t forget, friendships have cycles too, they will fluctuate in and out like a buoy riding the waves. Sometimes they will drift closer and sometimes further, if you don’t choose to it doesn’t change the bond you have as long as you sustain the loving essence of friendship.
As we all grow and change we become more of ourselves and we will have new aspects of ourselves to share with our friends. It is what makes this human interaction so precious, we are experiencing life together as it plays out, sometimes we are leading in the front and inspiring others, sometimes we are struggling together and supporting one another, perhaps we move aside so another friend can help, and other times we fall behind so that we can learn to motivate ourselves and remember that we are all on our own journey as well. It is a blessing to move through life with other people.
Just allow what blessings people in general bring to your life, have the discernment of what healthy situations and relationships are versus those that are not, learn to be honest and compassionately assertive with your healthy boundaries and your network of friendships will be a healthy web of loving mutual people. Yourself included :)