I used to think that equality was this 50/50 - split it down the middle sort of thing. And, that it applied to everything. Otherwise how could you be truly equal, right?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you guys would repetitively argue over responsibilities in the household ? Who is contributing more by working more? Maybe you split your finances right down the middle, every bill is divided down to the penny. Unless someone’s feeling generous and pays for it all.
Or you’re in the other type of relationship where you’ve both accepted the 50/50 agreement, but find that you are cohabiting with a room mate more than a passionate lover. You can describe the relationship as nice, fair, and you’re each other’s bffs.
Hey guy. I’m not you’re bro.
First things first before you read further - this is my perspective - it’s meant to be received by those who want a passionate relationship. Who want to feel a deep attraction to their beloved everyday, where they long for the roles to be clear and the “woman is the woman and the man is the man,” so to speak.
You see, like most people, I have lived a contradiction of equality when I only define it in quantitative terms. I.e., The idea of getting equal halves, the same salary, the same number of opportunities… the general neutralization of everything. And in these numerical terms, it should be equally available to anyone. But we forget that qualitative matters (like relationships!) are more complex and sometimes asks us to allow differences and polarity to be created in order to be balanced, healthy, and whole.
Equal doesn’t mean everything/everyone is the same. And accepting differences does not = inequality.
It’s this neutrality as I’ve experienced of the sexes that creates a dispassionate companionship that can lack the attraction and fire we often desire. Of course not for everyone - but anyone who is yearning for this needs to understand polarity.
We live in a world of polarities: yin & yang, light & dark, dead & alive, north & south poles, positive & negative, female & male. This is what they mean when they say, OPPOSITES ATTRACT.
So, the shocking truth is: You are a woman and he is a man! And homegirl, you need to let yourself be the feminine woman if you want him to step up as a “real man.” You gotta let him BE the man. And if you’re about to jump to conclusions - I’m not trying to set feminism back 40 years, it’s not limited to actual roles and boundaries of gender - it’s really a feeling and energy thing. There are intrinsic feminine and masculine qualities that everyone posses and depending on your mixture - you get different cock-tails. ;)
Don’t be a ball-buster - if you want him to get it up for you.
So, here’s a few spark note run-downs on shifting your energy if you’re not letting him be a man :
The Ball-Buster: Don’t do it, you’re basically literally being the man because you’re challenging their masculinity with your own masculinity. It can emasculate him and his confidence will be shot, every time you do it and you come out as “alpha.” Congrats, you’re the victor! But, you’ll be left with what you’ll perceive as a “weak-man.”
The “Older” Woman: You will basically take on some motherly archetypes in the relationship. Wanting to naturally guide the guy and that’s great, until you’re feeling like “mommy knows best,” and you begin smothering him. He’s gotta take the lead more than you do. You gotta trust him and let him guide you more than you expect - even if he makes mistakes, that’s how he’s going to grow from a guy to a man.
The Slob-Kabob: We all love to Netflix & Chill with our man. And you love your man because he can love you in the ugliest comfiest sweats you got. That’s real love riiiiight? Stains and all - you flawless! THAT BEING SAID, it’s only attractive if you’re radiating a femininity in them. If you’ve lost the will to want to create attraction through physical expression and you flop around in dirty clothes and expect him to just want to ravish you - it probably won’t happen. Because that self-presentation may not be putting out what you want him to put down. P.S. “But he still loves me,” should not be your scape-goat - show him you want his attraction.
The Cock-Block: Your man is with you because he finds you attractive, and he may want to have sex with you. *Gasp!* So, don’t cock-block him or yourself. He’s not being a pig - he’s an aroused man with the desire to want to connect with your body and love you through sex. Give the man the love he craves and trust that in his desire it’s a deep intention to love you. But if you deny him enough, it’ll fester and he’ll go into instincts of wanting to satisfy “needs” - and he’s no longer in the choosing of wanting you.
The Feminine Extremist - If you find yourself being a little too much like a pink princess - and you’ve abolished any masculine qualities, you’re not actually letting your man be a “real man,” either. A solid masculine man also values his feminine qualities, and feels comfortable asking for help. A man shouldn’t feel pressured to always “man up.” Help your man be himself, which is the best man he can be, and take some more responsibilities upon yourself. In short - if needs you to call the mechanic yourself, do it. He’s asking cause he’s being a real man and honours your masculine strengths as a real woman.
Alright, these obviously are written in a way to poke you a bit - and there are a lot more examples. But they exist in this stark way, too! I know because I’ve been every single one of those before. That’s why I feel confident writing about it, and I am inviting you to take a look at where you can redefine expectations of masculinity and femininity. I’m encouraging you to create modern and applicable roles together with your man. Especially because you are different. Doing this will establish a balance and harmony, or equality in your relationship.
Allowing him to show his attraction to you does not make you any less of an empowered woman. The difference is in allowing.
Passion ignites when you can feel him embodying the far opposite energy of your own. The deeply feminine in you is fully appreciating the deeply masculine in him. You recognize each other as different, but you love it because it balances each other out, you equally contribute to each other’s attraction.
Now, this is the basics of how your feminine and masculine energies influence him. It doesn’t mean that you will solve those household responsibilities or create a new structure of financial responsibilities just because you shift your energy. But if you do shift your energy, and you appreciate the other’s true essence of womanhood and manhood: You’ll have way clearer communication about how you really want the household duties balanced and how financial divisions need to be. You’ll be able to create that equality based on each other’s harmonized differences.
Passionate relationships thrive when you can learn to be equal in your differences as men and women.