• How do you fit a star into a box? •
You're reading this because you want to know more about me. You want to know where I began and how I ended up here. And it's never easy to pin point a beginning and an end, the best I can do is weave the feelings over the years that tell a story of my life as a human. A woman. A spiritual embodiment. A master student. And... everything in between.
How do you fit a star into a box? That is the shortest summary of my life.
As a young child I found it challenging to find my place in the greater world. School came rather easy, I was well liked by my peers and my teachers. I was very extroverted socially and had great creativity. I loved performing and show-and-tell. But I always felt like I couldn't be understood, I was a very deep child and asked questions that many adults at the time were probably just beginning to reflect upon. The introvert prevailed in the shadows in the night when I'd just stare at the moon, drawn to it then not knowing it was a long lost home.
I was wise beyond my years, however, I was living in the body and life of a child that created a major paradox. As recounted by a teacher when I was about 11, I asked him, "What is the meaning of life? And, why does my sister hate me?" A reflection of the polar perspectives I was dwelling on at the time!
Hard, complex and diverse life lessons were piled upon me since I was a young girl, as if I were to get a crash course on all I learned in my previous lives so I could be as prepared for this one as quickly as possible. My life really felt like a movie, one dramatic scene after the next with the most potent characters filling the set and setting. I was definitely one of those characters, and during my adolescent years into my early twenties, I was a powerful dramatic force. Both a creator and destroyer.
That creative energy in me took on everything that I could at school: soccer, basketball, volleyball, theatre, choir, student council, grad committee, MCing and organizing events... I had many talents and interests. Which sounds pretty great but it lead to so much confusion post graduation. I was exhausted, I didn't want to participate in anything, and I didn't want to socialize with anyone. I was a hermit throughout my 5 years at University. The most challenging part was, I didn't know what I wanted to do or be. This star had too many dimensions and points to neatly fit in the check boxes before me. I felt lost.
So I'm good at many things... but I didn't feel I was great at any one thing. I was thankfully guided by my impactful gr.7 teacher to go into Communications as SFU. Which in retrospect has refined a natural talent of mine to a masterful degree (although I never got a masters in it!) and I discovered a passion for social improvement, human connection and freedom by minoring in Sociology.
But I did mention I was also a destroyer.
The undercurrent to the joyful, intelligent, bright and promising citizen was a depressed, raging, emotionally and sexually traumatized, destructive individual.
When the light faded in the day and I was left with my shadows, the dark (k)night of the soul awakened. It was a knight because - damn - did it ignite the warrior in me too. The part that fought for my life when I wanted to die and would physically harm myself in the process of dancing between the choice of life and death.
I was, and am, an emotional being. Guided very much by how I feel and it was how I healed. To be specific, the times I was raped when drunk and unconscious, the times I subjected myself to that cycle over and over again, the times I was treated with disgust and painful judgement and I couldn't understand why, the times I fell into complete victimhood, were moments in my life that shaped the infinite pool of compassion I have now.
I was in such a deep void of emptiness and sadness, but I was also able to go to school like it wasn't there and excel in the light. I was living an extreme paradox.
One day, after reeling in my sadness the feeling changed, I was tired of not being able to do anything. So I became angry. Really, really angry. I also took it out on the people closest to me and hurt a lot of men in my life that treated me with a lot of love and respect. I have cheated, lied, manipulated, and have confused the hell out of them. I became super aggressive - like starting drunken fights with men at bars aggressive. In moments of blind rage, I had even imagined how I would hurt the people that had hurt me. Pretty crazy stuff for a teenager... or pretty normal, unfortunately.
My life was totally out of control. Yet somehow I couldn't take my own life, so it must've meant I wanted to live. So, what kind of life did I want to live?
In the high contrast of my life, I wanted unconditional love. I wanted joy. I wanted peace. Laughter, freedom, compassion and beauty. I was going to create it for myself... when did it change? Like I said, there is never really one point on the journey that is the defining moment, it's the many points that draw the new line in the sand.
However, one significant point was my trip to SE Asia in 2013 that awoke me to a new journey. It was when I had my first Reiki session in Pai, Thailand that gave me something back that I didn't know I was missing.
Although we were in a materially impoverished country, I was spiritually impoverished. A major missing piece of the puzzle. The otherworld was never hard to imagine or hard to believe, energy is natural and reincarnation was normal. My father is Catholic, my mother is Buddhist. Jesus is my homeboy and Quan Yin is my home girl. I had also always loved horoscopes, my first personal introduction to spirituality. I found a book about it in my father's library that I just plucked out as a young girl. And when I read the description about Pisces, it was the first time I felt understood. Something I deeply craved.
BUT. I was scared to share this part of me. I remember when others ridiculed my friend and her crystals, I secretly loved them in silence. During my reiki session the healer asked me if I had any chronic ailments, I shared I always got sore throats and colds, whenever my neck was exposed. So I always wore scarves... And then I added, to my own surprise, I felt like I had been strangled in another life. He was not surprised, after my session I was bestowed with the message that in this lifetime, in this era of humanity, I do not have to be afraid to embrace and explore my spirituality as a woman anymore. No more, "ding dong the witch is dead."
Within a few months of that day, I dove deep into that spiritual void and filled it with so much love and curiosity. I was ready to be whole. It began with learning and mastering Reiki, dropping out of a Masters of Counselling. Then I was doing Reiki/Crystal healing sessions in my little apartment to begin with, that lead to a short lived office space.
Personally, I healed my feminine wounds from childhood and adolescence, as well as the present. Yet there is still more to uncover through the collective. I began to only welcome only worthy lovers into my life, which has lead to embracing many soulmates. But none as powerful and deep as the one I have now. His name is Julian and he is the love of my life, our tantric journey is another story on it's own.
I've guided people through magic mushroom journeys. I've relax people into their bodies through massage and yin yoga. I've connect people to the heart of themselves and the heart of others. I open dialogue and share stories of the many faces of the divine feminine through my web series on YouTube, [Shakti Diaries](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbZkLGXGNuVo3qIk3e-0xFrMNs5-uhuzc), so women can be empowered by the diversity of womanhood. I show up authentically because that's all I can do now, expressed through my writing and art. I am a living, breathing, loving meditation. I am still a star that cannot fit into a box.
So, I prefer not to give myself any particular title, although those titles are important to help you understand what I can do. What is most important for me to share with you on this journey of mine is that although I may teach, speak, guide, and host - What is most important to me is to embody what I share, and that means to live by example. I know that much of the themes and content I have to share, you already know deep down inside - I'm only here to remind you. And any information I may be well versed in, Google may do a better job of informing you. So, I am more interested in creating experiences for you to be immersed in so that you can also live by example. So that you no longer seek but become. And in the process of becoming, you just be.
This website is a place for you to stay connected with my journey, if you join my [newsletter](http://eepurl.com/cvgqhf) you get more intimate details of this journey, any upcoming workshops/events and some free goodies I create along the way. You can follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/live.deep.lee/) or [Facebook Page ](https://www.facebook.com/EmpowerWithJocelyn/)for more live insights. The next stop on this journey is Ubud, Bali. To create a space where you can have a personalized retreat with me where you can experience everything I have learned over the years and absorb the tools I have to give that will help you on your journey, live time.
Whether you're a leader that needs to deeply restore and realign, or just beginning your journey and would like intimate guidance, or a digital nomad that needs help in integrating a wholistic lifestyle, I am here to help you live it. I got you.